The Question
What part of yourself have you toned down just to avoid being seen as “too different”?
Behind closed doors, I was passionate about all my little creative endeavors and about building a life that served God. I had interests and beliefs that genuinely excited me, but I rarely allowed that side of myself to leave the comfort of my own walls. I think my passion was the part of myself I toned down the most. I was afraid that caring too deeply about things other people didn’t understand or value would make me seem too different. So outside of those walls, I became much more influenced by the people around me and easily tempted by what the world provided. Eventually, the version of myself I created to fit in became the one I unknowingly prioritized.
As of today, I can admit that both versions of me are still alive. The difference is that I have become hyperaware of when I am choosing one over the other.
Writing The Ballerina Who Wore Blue played a major role in that awareness. I had written an entire story about a character learning to embrace what made her different instead of changing herself to fit in. Keeping that message at the forefront of my mind eventually forced me to ask whether I was actually living by the same lesson I was sharing with others.
The message became more than something I wanted my readers to understand. It became something I needed to practice myself.
Now, when I find myself choosing between what feels true to me and what I think will make me more accepted, I try to choose the person I am behind closed doors. The person who isn’t afraid to care deeply about the things that genuinely excite her, even when those things make her different.